You’ve got to learn it somehow, right? How do you learn best? I can tell you that I learn best when I’m in a room with someone and they are showing me how to do it. I got mighty close to this playing itself out – I had the perfect mentor, someone I respected and admired. Every time this man opened his mouth – he said something valuable, thought-provoking, or funny… and everything in me absolutely longed to have him teach me the Craft.
To have someone, a mentor, teach you the aspects of their lineage and what has evolved into their specific Craft is usually referred to as “A year and a day”… and you’re very lucky to find someone that wants to spend that kind of time invested in your future in the world of magick and Witchcraft. I wasn’t so lucky…
You just know if things are meant to be… in my heart of hearts, I knew that it wasn’t going to happen. Even when we were there and ACTUALLY doing the damn thing – it still felt like he was resisting it a little. Of course, to begin I needed a counterpart, I found the counterpart (after a search that took more than a year)… and then this had to be just right and so did that… finally, we are there for the third week in a row – our special tablets and pens and we are scribbling down notes and making things and oh my Gods we were so excited to be IN it and DOING it… and he wrapped it all up with “when we really get started…”
Huh? What have we been doing for three weeks? I mean, we have field trips planned and we have all these notes and all this stuff you wanted us to buy… Ok. Maybe he just means something like “When we really get going full steam…” or something. I mean, Rhiannon and I were so deflated when we walked out that night.
“We haven’t started yet?”
“I thought we did… I mean, we had the initiation ritual… we took oaths…”
“Yeah, I thought I remembered that…”
“I’m sure he’s just easing us in…”
“That’s what she said…”
So, we talked a lot that week and buckled down… we were determined. This is what we had wanted for SO FREAKING LONG… and he was our favorite, we loved him… I mean, we were both headed there and set to be right on time… (there was a strict attendance and punctuality policy) we were on the phone and talking about whether or not we were good enough for him or if he was just stringing us along and was going to dump us… was he as serious about us as we were him? This was the most important thing and Friday night at 7 was our JAM! We pull up, park… collect our things and meet on his front porch.
Ding dong. (bark, bark, bark)
Knock, knock, knock… (bark, bark, bark)
“Hmmm. Let’s text him…”
A pregnant (with triplets) pause.
The door opened; “Oh hey y’all… I just got out of the shower. I didn’t realize you were coming over…”
Huh? Friday night at 7 was our JAM! We were LIVING for this!!! We giggled like school girls all week… and Friday, you could barely reign us in… You weren’t expecting us?
That felt like someone just stabbed us in the heart. We were crushed. But, “come on in… we’ll sit and talk or something…” we still had to sit there and each play through in our heads what we had missed… what was going on and why weren’t we worthy… Why build us up and break us down all the time? Start/stop and then say you never started… What were we doing those weeks? What had we done wrong?
And then, in a rare but dramatic double-elimination week on Project Witchcraft, Heidi Klum walked over, kissed us both on both cheeks and said “You’re burned… auf wiedersehen.”
But now he has students again and posts about how teaching them reminds him of this and that… and it is always a kick in the guts for both of us. The first to see it screenshots it and sends it to the other. I kinda wish I could tell him how that felt and ask for some closure, but then again… maybe he wasn’t who we thought he was. Maybe he wasn’t who he thought he was. Maybe it just became too much. Too many plugs in your outlet is draining. Oh well – we wish him well and hope that he is happy and prosperous and that he is on the path that continues to bring him all he needs for the rest of his time here… and beyond.